Today is appointment #02. There isn't anything to vent about except for my sleep trouble.
I figure she will give me some sort of tiny challenge to do on my off time, like think of 3 things that make me happy.
During the last appointment, she suggested I take a sleep class, and a breathing class for my stress. For anyone out there that has ever been in a panicky situation, is breathing the first thing that you think to do on your checklist of freak-outs?
But there's nothing wrong with trying out techniques I suppose.
After work, as I was removing the rounds from my magazines, a man I work with decided to put his bag right behind my feet so that all 15-20 workers in the area could watch me fall onto my side. It was extremely painful, and to most, funny. I tried to laugh off my embarrassment and throbbing pain, but it didn't work. Tears started to pump through to my eyes, and believe it or not, I breathed through it and held back the tears successfully. The pistol was in it's holster on my right side, so I felt every crease of it after the impact...
I can't wait to get out of the military. Great benefits, some cool experiences, but tons and tons of bull-fucking-shit.
Happy Wednesday.
206 days remaining.
3 comments:
I am sorry u fell my dear, But maybe you should see it as a metaphor or whatsoever, we all fall in life and we all try to make it look like it's nothing but deep inside we want to burst out in tears and just freaking have someones shoulder to cry on. I know the feeling, when a tiny detail want u to fall apart and not pretend everything is ok.
Since I know you are writing a blog, I considerd doing it myself, I have so much in my head sometimes, that I guess wouldn't hurt to write down.So thanks cheri for the good idea. I hope tomorrow will be a better day.
I wanna go for a bike ride with you soon!!!
:)
Look into those pages you will like it.
I like Paulo Coehlo. If you like him on facebook you get the blog updates automatically.
http://paulocoelhoblog.com/2011/02/18/past-and-present/
http://paulocoelhoblog.com/2011/02/27/character-of-the-week-lao-tzu/
For a group of years right before I finally held a pregnancy (8 miscarriages, embryos with heartbeats all) which yielded your second cousin Lane, I suffered from HORRIBLE anxiety/panic attacks. I went through wearing one of those heart monitors things for four days to study my heart rhythm, twentythousand other appointments for studies, etc. etc. blah blah blah.
Over the last 5 years albeit slowly, the attacks have gone from 2 or 3 a month to 2 or 3 a year.
There were times I was very frightened because I thought that this time I really was having a heart attack but I didn't believe I was having a heart attack because panic attacks have all the pain, erratic pulse and such of a heat attack- but then I'd think a heart attack was going to sneak in between the panic attacks and kill me because I'd think it was a PA and not a heart attack... Guh!
What helped every single time after I learned to do it?
'Square Breathing'.
Yep. Really!
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